According to a recent, tongue-in-cheek, report from the Chicago Tribune, an Illinois man wearing very little clothing (on a cold winter day, no less) was recently arrested under the suspicion of driving under the influence.

The man, whose actions certainly qualify him for consideration as the year’s silliest DUI offender, was charged with a misdemeanor DUI after he rammed his black 2009 Honda into the side of a police squad car on Chicago’s Northwest Side.

Around 11:00 a.m. last Saturday morning, a concerned citizen called police to notify them that a man was driving down a back alley in the wrong direction. The caller suggested that the driver appeared to be swerving, as well.

Police quickly responded to the call, and blocked one of the alley exits. In an effort to escape the situation, the driver casually drifted into a police car.

The occupants of the police car were further surprised when the man with the poor driving skills tumbled out of his Honda wearing only underwear and some socks. Sources do not indicate the type or color of either item of clothing.

The driver, who was identified as 24-year-old Arsenio Garcia, was charged with a misdemeanor DUI, driving the wrong way down a one-way street, illegally using an alley as a through-street, failing to reduce speed, damaging public property, and driving without a license or insurance.

Garcia will also be tried in the court of public opinion on charges of bad taste. The very bad day for Garcia ended at a hospital, where he was treated for minor scrapes to his face.

The officer who was in the squad car at the time of the collision was also sent to a hospital, where he was treated and released for minor injuries.

This incident offers a few good lessons for future drivers. First, and most importantly, if you have a few drinks in your system and feel a bit wobbly, chances are that you are not in the best condition to drive.

Taking a taxi, calling a friend, or using public transportation are all much better alternatives to spending the night in jail and facing potentially thousands of dollars in fines and a loss of a driver’s license.

In addition, regardless of whether one is driving drunk or driving sober, the use of proper attire tends to make police officers somewhat more compassionate in their subsequent treatment after a traffic-related arrest.

Fully clothed drivers, to say the least, have a better chance of convincing officers of their sobriety than men clad in only their skivvies and footwear. So, noble drivers—buckled up, sober up, and, for the love of civilization, put on some pants.

A man who was kayaking in the Gulf of Mexico discovered the pedestrian’s injured dog struggling to swim several hundred yards off the Florida coast, according to a story in the Washington Post.

Sources indicate that 53-year-old Donna Chen was jogging with her dog, Barney, on a sidewalk in Siesta Key, Florida, an island located about 40 miles south of St. Petersburg.

According to a police report, Chen and her dog were struck by 22-year-old Blake Talman, who had been involved in an accident moments before and struck the jogging woman while he was attempting to flee the scene.

After the accident, an injured Barney, a Hungarian Vizsla, leapt into the ocean out of fear and began swimmingly desperately out to sea.

Several hours later, a vacationing kayaker from Bellingham, Washington discovered Barney swimming towards him while the man was trying to fish.

The kayaker, Rory O’Connor, claims that he pulled Barney into the water and noted that the dog appeared “really scared.” In addition, the dog had several wounds on his leg and was bleeding profusely. O’Connor captured the rescue on his video camera, and the footage has become something of a viral hit.

When O’Connor took the dog ashore, his sister observed that Barney was a Vizsla and reminded her brother that the dog might have a microchip, an increasingly common used by pet owners to identify lost animals.

Shortly thereafter, O’Connor took Barney to a veterinarian, who discovered a microchip and was able to identify the dog’s owner. Then, O’Connor was able to contact Chen’s family, which is how he learned of the woman’s tragic death.

Police are still befuddled as to how the dog managed to swim more than a mile away from the accident, and this feat may remain a mystery. Sources indicate that the dog is recovering and should soon return back to full health.

Police, however, declined to comment on the dog because the vase is a vehicular homicide and remains under investigation.
Of course, despite the remarkable story of Barney’s rescue, Chen’s family is mourning her loss, which could have been prevented.

Sources say that Talman, the driver who struck Chen, is facing charges of DUI manslaughter, and is being held without bail at the Sarasota County Jail in Florida. There is little doubt that Talman will likely face an extended period behind bars for the accident.

While routine DUI arrests typically involve some jail time, a suspended license, or a fine, felony DUIs—especially those that involve the death of an innocent person—are an entirely different matter.

The man, 46-year-old Eric J. Gross, allegedly kicked a state trooper in a police cruiser while they were traveling to the police station after Gross had been arrested under suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, according to a report from The Morning Call.

After Gross kicked the trooper, Joseph Wasylyk, the injured officer was able to pull his car over, force Gross outside of the car, and physically restrain the arrestee to prevent future kicking.

The trooper drove Gross to the station, and then retreated to the Lehigh Valley Hospital, where he was treated and released.

Sources indicate that the bizarre incident started at roughly 6:00 p.m. when Wasylyk responded to a report of someone driving recklessly in Washington Township, Pennsylvania. Shortly thereafter, Gross abandoned his vehicle and started walking down a local highway.

When he responded to the scene, the trooper eventually spotted Gross and arrested him for suspicion of drunk driving. It should be noted here that, even though Gross wasn’t driving at the time, his driving earlier that night still made him eligible for a DUI offense.

After the initial arrest, the trooper placed handcuffs on Gross behind his back, and secured Gross in the back seat of his cruiser with a seat belt. His job seemingly done, Wasylyk started to drive towards the DUI Center in Allentown, where Gross would be charged and booked.

While they were driving to the DUI Center, however, Gross started cursing and moving around in the back of the cruiser. To get a better look at the anxious offender, the trooper turned on his interior lights.

Soon, Gross began kicking the armrest and computer printer located inside the cruiser, though when the trooper asked Gross to kindly refrain from harming the equipment, Gross quickly obliged.

This stern warning, however, did not prevent Gross from taking much more aggressive action later in the drive. Sources indicate that Gross lifted his legs and started kicking Gross repeatedly on the right side of his body.

In a feat of physical coordination, the trooper was somehow able to pin the man’s legs against the seat, pull the car over, and restrain Gross before driving him to the DUI Center in one piece.

For his acts of violence, Gross now faces charges of aggravated assault, simple assault, reckless endangerment, criminal mischief, and harassment.

He was held on $20,000 bail and immediately sent to Lehigh County Prison, where the guards will be best advised to watch out for his flailing legs.

A recent driver on Long Island in New York, though, made the arresting officer’s job much easier by wearing a t-shirt saying “I’m a drunk” during his DUI arrest.

In a story that is sure to induce eye-rolling and head-slapping from knowing readers, Kevin Daly was faced with an awkward situation when he was arrested under suspicion of a DUI while wearing a t-shirt proclaiming his guilt.

According to a report from the New Jersey Star-Ledger, the t-shirt’s primary slogan was printed in bold letters and was surrounded by the equally incriminating claim that “I’m not an alcoholic … alcoholics go to meetings.”

Depending on the result of his DUI sentencing, Daly may soon have an opportunity to prove his t-shirt false, as mandatory alcohol counseling for former drunk drivers is a common DUI law in many U.S. states.

Sources indicate that Daly’s arrest was embarrassing for reasons other than the poor clothing selection, as well. The police report claims that Daly slammed his 2000 Saturn into a parked police cruiser around 1:45 a.m. on a Thursday morning.

The police cruiser was parked on the side of the highway to catch drunk drivers. In this situation, the arresting officer was spared the expense of having to chase the suspect, although the police department was probably displeased with having to repair the beat-up cruiser.

Fortunately, though, the police officer who was in the car was not seriously injured, but he was taken to the hospital for treatment for minor wounds.

In his initial hearing, Daly was charged with driving while intoxicated and, perhaps not surprisingly, was served with several summonses for unresolved traffic incidents.

It is fair to assume that, at his trial, Daly will be encouraged by his DUI lawyer to wear something a bit more practical, like a suit and tie, or anything without the words “I’m a drunk” printed clearly on the front.

The possible consequences Daly will face at trial depend on whether this is his first DUI offense, as well as other circumstances of the case. In many DUI decisions, offenders must relinquish their license, serve some jail time, or pay a hefty fine.

Cases in which DUI drivers injure other people, or cause serious property damage, usually see harsher sentences. In addition, repeat DUI offenders typically face more severe punishments than people who have committed their first DUI offense.

And, it should be noted that each state has a unique set of DUI laws, and some states are much stricter than others. Despite these variations, though, there has been a national trend in recent years to create stronger DUI laws.

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How is Light Beer LIGHT? Sugar & Drunkenness

Talk to any college student and you’ll hear a number of ways to get drunk faster, ranging from drinking your beer with a straw to chugging sugary mixed drinks. While some of these have absolutely no scientific proof, sugar certainly has its place when it comes to intoxication. But even drinking a light beer or diet mixed drink might not save you from a hangover and you should still monitor your alcohol intake.

Do Sweet Drinks Really Get You Drunk Faster?
This is where we dive into the science. Let’s take a look at how sugar and sweet drinks can affect your night out.

• Carbonation may get you drunk faster
• Technically, carbonated drinks may speed up the absorption of alcohol, so a rum and Coke may get you drunk faster than just a shot of rum.
• Most carbonated drinks are sweet, but even a diet Coke may speed the process up.
• Sweet drinks go down faster
• Mixed or sweet drinks can be easier to drink than straight alcohol.
• You may not notice the amount of alcohol that you’re drinking when you down several vodka cranberries, as opposed to doing shots.
• Sugar slows the alcohol
• Sugar in alcoholic drinks slows the digestive process and prevents the alcohol from moving into the small intestine as quickly, where it will be absorbed faster.
• Be aware that drinking sweet drinks may make you feel less intoxicated in the beginning, but it will hit later.

Other Factors in Intoxication
The actual drinks aren’t the only factor when it comes to intoxication. You actually have a number of things to consider:

• Gender
• Women tend to be smaller than men and to have more fat, so the same drinks will usually result in a higher concentration of alcohol in the bloodstream of a female than in a male.
• Body Size
• The larger you are, the more blood you have, which means alcohol is more diluted in larger
• Genetics
• It would appear that different races absorb alcohol at different rates, so your genes may affect how drunk you get.
• Age
• Older and younger people seem to take longer to get drunk because their bodies may process alcohol slower.

Diet or Light Drinks
Most diet drinks are simply low-caloric forms of the regular ones. In the case of diet soda, which is frequently used in mixed drinks for those trying to watch their weight, the sugar is replaced by aspertame or sucralose, which have virtually no calories.

• Drinks made with diet sodas still have calories from the alcohol.
• Diet mixed drinks made with carbonated liquid may boost intoxication.

The Making of Light Beer
Light beer is legally defined as having 20% fewer calories than regular beer. This will vary from brewery to brewery, depending on how many calories they usually have in their beer. Rumors circulate about breweries simply adding water to their regular beer to make it light, but in most cases, it’s a little more complicated.

• Light beers tend to have .5% less alcohol.
• Some light beers are brewed to have a higher alcohol level, then diluted to reach the correct balance.
• This method is more efficient because you can brew 10,000 barrels and get 13,000 barrels worth of light beer.
• This is done by using rice or other grains that will ferment better, creating a higher alcohol content and turning more sugars into alcohol.
• Some breweries simply add less “fuel” during the fermentation process, resulting in fewer carbs, and therefore fewer calories.
• There are 1,545 breweries in the U.S.
• That’s more breweries than any other country in the world.

Alcohol is always going to contain some calories, so it’s up to you to decide just how many are acceptable. Remember that sugary drinks can still make you drunk, though it may take longer, while carbonation may cause the alcohol to affect you sooner. Always note how much alcohol you are drinking, no matter how you feel and never drink and drive.

According to PhillyBurbs.com, 45-year-old Kim Townsend was given a prison sentence that could last between four and 23 months.

In addition, the resident of Bensalem, Pennsylvania lost her driver’s license, must pay a fine of $1,000, and must complete 100 hours of community service.

Sources indicate that Townsend had been arrested after an incident in which she ran her school bus into a small car after dropping off a load of children.

When police arrived on the scene, they administered a breathalyzer test, and discovered that her blood alcohol level was .19, well above the legal limit for school bus drivers, which is .02, and also above the legal limit of .08 for other drivers.

After being confronted by police, Townsend admitted to drinking vodka before her shift, and expressed regret that she had endangered her young passengers by drinking before she drove.

Fortunately, though, when Townsend was involved in the accident, all 22 of the children who had been traveling in her bus had already been dropped off at their homes.

Nevertheless, a judge in Bucks County Circuit Court chastised Townsend during her sentencing, saying that it was a matter of “extreme seriousness,” and that the community should be “outraged” by Townsend’s actions.

The judge also reminded Townsend that if the accident had injured any of the children, she would be facing much more serious consequences, including a significantly longer prison sentence.

After the accident, Townsend, who had driving school buses in the district for more than 11 years, immediately resigned from her job, and apologized to the parents whose children she had endangered.

In court this week, Townsend admitted that she had “betrayed the trust” of her students and their families, and she promised that it “will never happen again.”

Of course, the odds of Townsend being re-admitted to the ranks of school bus drivers after her DUI arrest are very slim, so she may not have the opportunity to actively fulfill her promise.

At trial, a number of community members came to support Townsend, and her attorney recognized that the incident may eventually prove beneficial for the school bus driver, who will also seek counseling for her substance abuse problems while serving her jail sentence.

And, despite the outrage expressed by the judge, community members did not show up in droves to castigate the defendant. Even though prosecutors asked the parents of the children in Townsend’s bus to come support their case, no parents actually came to the trial.

It seems the community did not feel the need to further punish Townsend, whose record had been completely clear before the recent charges of drunk driving, child endangerment, and careless driving.

According to a report in USA Today, a Michigan man began his campaign for “Worst Dad of the Year” by asking his 9-year-old daughter to drive the family’s van after he became too intoxicated to drive.

Sources indicate that Shawn Weimer, 39, recently let his daughter drive his van home around 3:00 a.m., as Weimer rested comfortably in the van’s passenger seat.

Footage from a surveillance video filmed at a gas station near Woodhaven, Michigan shows Weimer telling a station clerk that his daughter was his designated driver.

Allegedly, the video catches Weimer telling the clerk, “Nine years old. Nine. Dad drinking. Listen, we’re leaving, and she’s driving.”

Predictably, the news of Weimer and his daughter’s adventure struck the girl’s mother as very frightening. Heather Hammon, the mother of the young driver, told reporters that she was “mortified” when she learned the news.

While he did manage to escape drunk driving charges, Weimer found himself in court this week facing charges of child abuse and other charges related to his allegedly habitual drinking problems.

And, while Hammon obviously disapproved of his behavior, she did tell reporters that Weimer was otherwise an attentive, dutiful father who always paid his child support on time. In a classy understatement, Hammon said that he “just made a bad choice.”

The two parents separated before their daughter was born, but she visits her father every other weekend. This arrangement may change, though, as the presiding judge forbade Weimer from having contact with his daughter during the court proceedings.

Weimer’s prior criminal record is not perfectly clean, which could hurt his case in court. Sources indicate that he was arrested for driving while impaired by alcohol in 2007 after being involved in a crash.

Despite his apparent affection for his daughter, and his history as a decent father, Weimer may suffer severe consequences for his momentary loss of judgment.

Other drivers, however, should know that planning before drinking and designating a sober driver is usually a foolproof way of avoiding a drunk driving arrest. The key, of course, is to designate someone who can legally drive.

If you find yourself in a situation where a minor is the only possible sober driver, other reliable methods of getting home include taking public transportation, hailing a cab, or calling a friend, regardless of the time of day.

By making sound decisions after you find yourself too drunk to drive, you may avoid serious legal troubles, possible injuries or accidents, or, in the most egregious scenarios, unwanted national press attention.

According to a report from My Fox Boston, Fredly Misere was arrested for drunk driving in Pawtucket, Rhode Island after police discovered his Mercedes-Benz SUV completely stopped in the fast lane of a local highway.

When they approached his car, the 50-year-old driver was slumped over the steering wheel, apparently asleep, with an opened bottle of beer resting between his legs.

It took several loud pounds on the window by the police before the driver was able to awake from his deep slumber. Oddly, the incident occurred around 7:30 a.m. on a Sunday morning.

After police pulled the visibly intoxicated Misere out of his car, the driver told the officers that he was concerned about the welfare of his children. When the police asked him where the children were, however, Misere allegedly said that the kids were in Boston.

Because of Misere’s assurances, the police apparently did not think it necessary to check the car for other occupants.

In addition, since Misere’s car was dangerously blocking a lane of the heavily traveled highway, the police report indicates that a tow truck driver already had the SUV on a flatbed truck soon after police arrived.

So, after they arrested Misere, they took him to the police station, while the tow truck driver guided the SUV to its temporary resting place in an impoundment lot in Attleboro, Massachusetts.

Of course, the plot soon thickened, as the truck driver heard muffled noises coming from the back seat of the Mercedes Benz soon after reaching the impoundment lot.

When he opened the car, the truck driver discovered Misere’s 4-year-old daughter and her 3-month-old sister waiting patiently in the back of the car.

Apparently, the windows of the SUV were heavily tinted, so the police and tow truck driver did not immediately see the passengers. In addition, the noise of the highway may have blocked any noises made by the two young girls.

Nevertheless, police are baffled as to how so many authorities could miss the presence of two children in the back of the car. There will likely be an investigation into the matter.

To be fair, the real culprit in this fiasco is the allegedly drunk father, who, if the allegations are proved correct, is facing a significant punishment for his irresponsible actions, particularly because this is not his first drunk driving offense.

Sources indicate that Misere is being charged with numerous criminal counts, including driving while intoxicated, driving with a suspended license, driving to endanger, child endangerment, and the always-tricky charge of “failing to use care when stopping.”

The truth, however, is that all sorts of people are arrested for drunk driving every day. And, while young males are arrested for DUIs more often than any other age bracket, they do not hold a monopoly on driving under the influence of alcohol.

This reality was recently on display in Lancaster, California, where a grandmother of three was arrested for allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol while she had three of her grandchildren in her car.

According to an article in the Los Angeles Times, 55-year-old Marie Shipley will soon make her first appearance in a Los Angeles County courtroom as she faces felony DUI charges for the disturbing incident.

Sources indicate that Shipley was arrested after driving drunk on a Monday afternoon while transporting three grandsons, aged 7, 11, and 13, from a local park.

While she was allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol, the boys began arguing, and at least one of her grandsons jumped out of the car while it was moving.

According to the police report from the incident, the boy who jumped out of the car attempted to re-enter the vehicle, but Shipley sped away, preventing him from getting back into the car. Eventually, Shipley slowed down and took the boy home after he started crying.

Shipley’s daughter later took the boy to the hospital, where he had treatment for minor injuries sustained during the incident.

While this episode seems laughable (despite its potentially severe consequences), incidents of elderly drunk driving are fairly commonplace. In addition, alcohol abuse by older Americans is often ignored and untreated.

As people age, they grow increasingly susceptible to the negative effects of alcohol. This increased sensitivity, combined with the natural loss of reflexes that occurs with aging, can sometimes have serious effects for older drivers.

While a driver may have been able to drive after a few glasses of wine in his or her younger days, that same amount of alcohol might render the person unable to drive responsibly in later years.

As the American population continues to grow older, incidents of drunk driving among older drivers may become more of a public hazard.

Of course, many drivers who operate a car under the influence of alcohol at least have the decency to leave children out of the car. And, if they do drive children, they usually don’t play games where the children are leaping in and out of a moving vehicle.

So, it seems safe to say that Shipley’s actions, while abhorrent, don’t represent typical behavior amongst older drivers.

While this law seemed to be misguided to many observers, it did come with a key caveat: those carrying handguns could not drink alcohol while they were packing heat.

This important distinction, however, recently came into play when Todd himself was arrested for a DUI while he was carrying a loaded weapon.

According to an Associated Press report, police stopped Todd in his GMC Envoy and detected a strong odor of alcohol in his vehicle. Police said that Todd had bloodshot eyes and had difficulty speaking.

Todd refused to take a breathalyzer test, but he allegedly failed a roadside sobriety test administered by the arresting officers. The police report says that Todd claimed he only had two drinks before being arrested.

After his arrest, police search Todd’s car and discovered a loaded .38-caliber pistol in a holster resting between the driver’s seat and the center console of the car.

The discovery of the handgun was particularly troubling to the arresting officers, who said Todd was unable to stay on his feet and was “obviously very impaired and not in any condition to be carrying a loaded handgun.”

Predictably, critics of Todd’s handgun law have embraced the irony of his arrest. They have also claimed that Todd’s actions show the futility and inevitable danger of allowing bar patrons to carry handguns.

In his defense, Todd released a statement claiming that he was sorry for the incident, but he also refused to make any further public comments on the advice of his DUI lawyer.

Some observers are speculating that Todd’s days as a lawmaker are numbered, but Todd has shown no signs of leaving his legislative post.

He has, however, entertained the notion of stepping aside from his post as the chairman of the Tennessee legislature’s State and Local Governance Committee. Todd plans to announce his future intentions after meeting with the Republican leaders of the state legislature.

In addition to his sponsorship of the controversial handgun law, Todd gained national fame last year for fearing that illegal immigrants would “go out there like rats and multiply” if undocumented women were given publicly financed prenatal care for their children.

After the remark, Todd compounded the public’s anger by saying that, instead of the quip about rats, he simply meant to use the term “anchor babies,” which many see as an equally indelicate phrase.

Later, Todd would renounce both claims, and issued a formal public apology. Thus, while Todd’s lawmaking days may be short-lived, he at least has gained valuable practice in the art of the formal public apology.